Navigating Friendship and Dating in Your Twenties
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🎧 Listen to the full episode: “Friendships & Dating in Your Twenties (ft. AnalĂa)” on Spotify Podcasts… new episodes every Sunday!
https://open.spotify.com/show/73nxHJzpDNjWzAmdiBnht1?si=b447e7882e6242fc
There’s something about your twenties that makes relationships, both friendships and romantic ones, feel like the ultimate mirror reflecting what you value, what you tolerate, and what you’re attracting based on your belief of what you deserve.
This week on the podcast, one of my closest friends, AnalĂa, and I got real about it all: the red flags we’ve learned to stop ignoring, the green flags that restore our faith in connection, and the unspoken rules that test how strong our friendships and relationships really are.
💔 Red Flags — in Friendship & Dating
We started with the hard stuff. Because let’s be honest, spotting red flags isn’t the hard part. It’s listening to them that is. Friendship alarm bells usually reveal themselves in subtle ways:
-That feeling when support turns into competition
-When conversations start to feel one-sided.
-If you’ve ever found yourself always being the listener but never being asked how you are…
-When someone constantly gossips about others… if they’re talking about their friends to you, they’re likely talking about you to someone else.Â
-The draining effect of a friend who lives in constant negativity — the type of energy that finds something wrong in every day, every plan, every moment.
     → Negativity is contagious, and protecting your energy isn’t selfish; it’s how you stay grounded.
But friendships aren’t the only place red flags show up. Dating in your twenties comes with its own lessons that test your communication, your boundaries, your patience, and how much confusion you’re willing to tolerate. Dating red flags usually appear just like friendship ones: subtle at first, hidden in the moments we excuse until they become impossible to ignore, but may become even more challenging to detect when you have rose-colored glasses on. Have you ever seen:
-Someone unable to plan or communicate consistently…
     → It’s not that they’re “too busy,” it’s that they’re not prioritizing you.Â
-Someone sending you mixed signals: the hot-and-cold, affectionate one day and distant the next…Â
     → It’s emotional confusion disguised as chemistry, and it always ends the same way… exhaustion.
-Someone making “harmless” mean jokes that actually sting…
     → It isn’t playful banter; it is a lack of understanding and boundariesÂ
-Someone still entertaining their past unhealthy relationships….Â
     → Unfinished business can’t exist if a healthy new connection is forming.Â
The biggest lesson with red flags is that they rarely start loud… they start small. It’s never just one big moment; it’s the accumulation of little ones that slowly chip away at your peace. The more self-aware you become, the faster you start catching those patterns. You stop excusing them away, and instead, you start observing how people make you feel when they think you’re not paying attention. Growth begins in noticing without needing to justify, and once you start honoring what feels off, you naturally begin to make space for what feels right. That’s the shift that leads you towards attracting green flag friendships and relationships into your life, which remind you what a healthy connection actually feels like.
💚 Green Flags — in Friendship & Dating
But not every connection simply tests you; some teach you. The green flags in friendships and dating are the ones that embody quiet moments of peace and safety, and effort that shows up without needing to be chased. You can recognize the green in the little moments, like:
-When you can talk about something multiple times without feeling like a burden.
-When your friend shares your style or interests without turning it into a comparison… you’re matching, not copying!
-When a friend can celebrate your wins with pure, genuine joy, even if she hasn’t hit her own yet.Â
     → That’s the kind of emotional maturity that keeps friendships alive long-term.
These friendship green flags remind you how it feels to be understood, supported, and celebrated without competition. Once you’ve felt that kind of safety platonically, you start to recognize it romantically too, in ways like:Â
-Someone who remembers the small things without being reminded
-Someone who has their own life and wants to build one with you
     → The healthiest kind of balance.
-Someone who is emotionally articulate and effortful in expressing what they feel before projecting it onto you
-Someone who genuinely tries to learn your love language and show up to make you feel seen.Â
Green flags are proof that healthy relationships exist. Love and friendship CAN be calm, mutual, and still exciting. Once you’ve felt that kind of alignment, it’s hard to settle for anything less.
There are not only important red and green flags to notice, though, the gray areas play a massive role in the in-betweens that friendships and relationships often live in. The unspoken “girl code” rules that everyone feels but no one really defines. There aren’t always clear answers, and maybe that’s the point. Real friendship isn’t about following rules; it’s about reading the moment, choosing honesty, and protecting the bond even when it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes that means saying something hard; sometimes it means saying nothing at all.
We ended the episode with a round of Hot Takes and Hard Truths, and it couldn’t have been a better way to close. Because the truth is, your 20s are full of endings and beginnings… not all of them clean and easy, but all of them learning lessons.
“You can love someone deeply and still outgrow them.”
“Not every falling out needs closure.”
“Friendship breakups can hurt worse than romantic ones.”
“Consistency matters more than chemistry.”
“It’s okay to have different friends for different parts of your life.”
“If it costs you your peace, it’s not worth it.”
Growing up means learning to hold both… the heartbreak of letting go and the peace that comes from choosing yourself. What I’ve learned (and keep re-learning) is that your 20s aren’t about finding the perfect people, they’re about learning what healthy connections feel like.
It’s about releasing the patterns that once felt normal and choosing the ones that feel peaceful.
Whether it’s a friendship, a relationship, or something in between, the right ones won’t confuse you. They’ll bring you peace.